Century 21 Sells Walter White’s House in the Only Worthy Brand Tie-In to the Breaking Bad Finale

Many brands tried to ride the Breaking Bad bandwagon for last night's series finale, with results that were generally clumsy or worse. The exception was Century 21's inspired listing of Walter White's Albuquerque home for sale on Craigslist. The house is "fit for a king," says the promotional copy, which had lots of fun little plot points worked into it. Don't get sucked in, though—it might actually be in worse condition than the listing would indicate.

The stunt was dreamed up by Mullen.

UPDATE: OK, this Monday-afternoon tweet from Truvia isn't bad. A little late, but then, it takes a while to get ricin jokes through the lawyers.

Full text of Century 21's Craigslist listing below.

3BR/2BA Albuquerque ranch is fit for a king. In-ground pool with lovely patio, perfect for grilling with family. Two-car garage for a Pontiac Aztek, Chrysler 300 or both. Water heater replaced in 2009. Secret crawl space great fun for kids. Near airport. Great local schools with dedicated teachers who take an interest in students. World-class local hospitals. Perfect for outdoorsmen, with first-rate area camping and RV spots. MOTIVATED SELLER. MUST BE OUT BY SUNDAY, 10:15 PM. MAKE AN OFFER TODAY.


    

Brands Come Together Through Logo Mashups

When the Tumblr community isn't misunderstanding social justice or letting alcoholic grad students explain themselves via TV-show GIFs, they're mashing things up. Logo Mashups, for instance, takes two somehow related brand logos and puts them together, which is funny when the two brands have little in common. The IHOP/Playboy pairing gave me the best/worst idea for a Hooters-style pancake house, but there's not much else to say about projects like these beyond "here are some logos." That's the problem with mashups; even the clever ones are just reminders of someone else's creative work.


    

Ad-Free Issue of September Vogue Is an Engineering Marvel, but It Will Cost You

For anyone who avoided picking up this year's September issue of Vogue because it would cause back trouble to carry around, here's another option—an ad-free version is for sale on Craigslist, with all the advertisements either cut out or blacked out. This allows you to enjoy an "uninterrupted read" without all that pesky filler.

The only problem? The price. "I calculating the ad expenditure of this issue for 280 Full Page Ads and 45 Double Page Spreads," says the seller. "This was the amount advertisers spent so you could buy your copy of VOGUE at just $12 at your local bookstore. So obviously, without the ads, I will have to pass on the cost to you." That explains the asking price of more than $4 million. Seems maybe they forgot to divide that by the number of issues printed?

Full text of the Craigslist ad below. Via PSFK.

I am selling an "Ad-Blocked" issue of Vogue US, September Issue 2013. What I did was to cut out all the pages with advertisements, and left only the articles. For the pages I couldn't remove, I went over them with a big fat permanent marker. Now you can enjoy an uninterrupted read of the most anticipated issue of this fashion bible.

If this price is a little higher than you anticipated, let me explain. By referencing VOGUE's media rate cards, I calculating the ad expenditure of this issue for 280 Full Page Ads and 45 Double Page Spreads. This was the amount advertisers spent so you could buy your copy of VOGUE at just $12 at your local bookstore. So obviously, without the ads, I will have to pass on the cost to you.

There is good news though: the rate card did not include premiums for this being a "September Issue", which I am sure will bump the price up even more.

So what are you waiting for? This is a steal!


    

Portland Ad Agency Warns J.J. Abrams Not to Screw Up Star Wars

Well wookiee here. Portland, Ore., ad agency Sincerely Truman is getting itself some publicity—almost half a million YouTube views since Thursday—with this two-minute-plus clip offering director J.J. Abrams tips on how not to "mess up" Star Wars Episode VII. The video and accompanying website recommend keeping true to the adventurous "frontier" spirit of George Lucas's 1977 original by telling a "gritty" story that doesn't overanalyze the power of the Force and eschews unnecessary cuteness (comic-relief aliens and such).

Sincerely Truman seems to have plenty of time on its hands, because it's also working up a Star Wars petition to present to Disney, which is set to release Episode VII in 2015. Since movie studios always do exactly what fans ask, that sounds like a surefire plan to me.

The upcoming film, which takes place after the events of 1983's Return of the Jedi (yay!) and is designed to launch a new Star Wars trilogy (good lord!), will reportedly feature appearances by Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill, a trio that fans just might remember from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Oddly, my personal demand for more Jar Jar Binks has gotten surprising little traction. Ye gods, whatta meesa sayin'?

Via Mashable.


    

Meet the Woman Who Beat Out 4,500 Other Applicants for the Toughest Job in Advertising

It was the greatest ad seeking an executive assistant in the history of executive assistants—sending applicants from an intimidating Craigslist post through a set of ludicrous online challenges and on to many rounds of interviews (in person and in Google Hangouts).

"Rich Silverstein answers to nobody," said the ad. "And that nobody could be you."

A month later, we have a winner.

After receiving a staggering 4,500 applications, San Francisco agency Goodby, Silverstein & Partners today revealed Rich Silverstein's new assistant. Her name is Grace Diebel. The Fairfax, Calif., native and U.C. Davis graduate wasn't put off by the horror stories of how demanding Silverstein can be. Like most of the applicants, she was intrigued by the creativity of the job listing and figured the work would be just as interesting.

"I could tell they were having fun with it. I thought, 'Yeah, this guy is probably a little intimidating,' but I wasn't afraid," she says in a Q&A. "I was a fan of the posters and branding-identity work that he'd done for the Golden Gate National Parks, so I thought that somebody who loved the outdoors and Marin [County] couldn't be all that bad."

Diebel, who was brought into the agency three times for eight separate interviews, starts this Monday. "The most important thing is that this isn't a reality-show contest; this is a job," she says. "And I was picked because they think I can do the job. So I'm going to do the job really well."


    

Most Impressive Metaphor Yet for the Difference Between Broadband and Google Fiber

Provo, Utah, uses a swimming pool as a concrete visual of how broadband just can't compete with Google's high-speed Internet service, which is coming to the city next month. Taken literally, broadband is a homely man wearing a sash, and Google Fiber is a waste of city resources that totally ruins his bathrobe. But really, this ad, released by the city itself, is a clever piece of work. It's always nice when funny ads are made by people with decent comedic timing.


    

Bertolli Makes the Most of Barilla Chairman’s Anti-Gay Comments

Barilla is struggling enough this week without its competitors piling on. But Bertolli doesn't care. Seizing on comments made by Barilla's chairman about how the company would never put gay couples in its advertising, Bertolli Germany quickly posted pro-gay imagery in its social feeds, happily taking advantage of its rival's misstep. "Love and pasta for all!" reads the caption on the Facebook photo above. "We just wanted to spread the news that Bertolli welcomes everyone, especially those with an empty stomach," a rep for Orca im Hafen, Bertolli's social-media agency in Germany, tells AdFreak. So far, Bertolli has not taken similar steps in the U.S., but the brand has been gay-friendly here for years, too. Check out the spot below from a couple of years back.


    

Major League Baseball Honors Mariano Rivera With Newspaper Ads

Mariano Rivera, the great New York Yankees closer, threw his final pitches at Yankee Stadium on Thursday night, and will wrap up his legendary 19-year career in Houston this weekend. Among the admirers bidding farewell is Major League Baseball itself, which placed the ad above in four newspapers on Thursay—the New York Post, the Daily News, Metro New York and USA Today. The copy is maybe a little underwhelming, but the image is one that New Yorkers will remember for a long time to come. Via Deadspin.


    

Heineken Plays Second Game of Departure Roulette With People Who Tweeted About the First One

Heineken and Wieden + Kennedy in New York revisit the concept of unscheduled trips in this sequel to their popular Departure Roulette stunt. That effort, from the summer, dared JFK travelers to ditch their plans and immediately fly to more exotic locales chosen at random by pushing a button. For the follow-up, the brand made surprise visits to people who had tweeted during the earlier campaign that they would want to try Departure Roulette—and let them do so.

In the sequel video, camera crews confront unsuspecting tweeters at their front doors, at work and on the sidewalk, with the big green Departure Roulette board in tow. The board becomes something of an actor in the drama, popping up behind tweeters during interviews and suddenly appearing around street corners. It's creepy and goofy at the same time, keeping the subjects off balance but generally adding to the fun. And there's an amusing bit halfway through the three-minute clip in which a brand ambassador knocks on a person's apartment door and calls out, "You're totally gonna miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" A neighbor steps into the hall to see what the commotion is about, takes in the scene with the lights and cameras, and quickly retreats back inside.

One guy who wins a trip to Bucharest seems less than stoked. "Romania … OK. I'll go to Romania. I guess." Maybe he was hoping for Budapest. Other destinations include Marrakesh, Morocco; Reykjavík, Iceland; Seoul, South Korea; and Panama City. As with the original Departure Roulette, the sequel is designed to capture Heineken's bold, adventurous spirit. Personally, I prefer Tui Brewery's approach to stunt marketing. They pump beer through your pipes so you can take off without ever leaving home.

Credits below.

CREDITS
Client: Heineken
Project: Departure Roulette

Agency: Wieden + Kennedy, New York
Executive Creative Directors: Scott Vitrone, Ian Reichenthal, Mark Bernath, Eric Quennoy
Creative Directors: Erik Norin, Eric Steele
Copywriter: Will Binder
Art Director: Jared White
Executive Producer: Nick Setounski
Assistant Producer: Kristen Johnson
Account Team: Patrick Cahill, Jacqueline Ventura, Sydney Lopes
Social Strategist: Jessica Abercrombie
Project Manager: Rayna Lucier
Community Managers: Mike Vitiello, Rocio Urena
Director of Interactive Production: Brandon Kaplan
Head of Integrated Production: Lora Schulson
Business Affairs: Sara Jagielski, Lisa Quintela, Quentin Perry
Global Travel Director: Colleen Baker
Lead, Senior Travel Consultant: Angela Wootan
Senior Travel Consultant: Joelle Wainwright

Production Company: Legs Media
Director: Dan Levin
Executive Producer: Tom Berendsen
Line Producer: Sara Greco
Postproduction Company: Joint Editorial
Senior Producer: Michelle Carman
Editor: Jon Steffanson
Assistant Editors: Stephen Nelson, Noah Poole, Brian Schimpf
Motion Graphics Director: Yui Uchida
Information Display System Fabricator: Solari Corp.
Design and Build Team: The Guild
Audio Company: The Lodge
Audio Mixer: John Northcraft
Color: Nice Shoes
Colorist: Danny Boccia
Producer: Melissa Dupre


    

Barilla Chairman Vows Never to Make Ads Featuring Gay People

In recent years, LGBT imagery has been increasingly appearing in mainstream ads for major marketers. Italian pasta brand Barilla has apparently missed the memo. The company is drawing calls for boycotts from LGBT rights groups after Guido Barilla (above), its chairman, said in an Italian radio interview on Wednesday that Barilla "would never" create an ad featuring a same-sex family, reports Reuters. "Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role," he said, adding that if gay people "like our pasta and our advertising, they'll eat our pasta. If they don't like it, then they will not eat it, and they will eat another brand." The company issued a statement Thursday with a pseudo-apology, apparently only sort of understanding that comments like Barilla's are going to make a lot of people—not just gay people—not like its pasta or its advertising. Via Gawker.


    

Diet Coke’s Taylor Swift Can Is Sleek and Skinny, and You Could Be Too

Hi, tween girls who may have body-image issues and also like listening to Taylor Swift. Diet Coke is launching a new, limited-edition "Sleek Can." It's thinner and more glamorous than those plain old cans, and naturally, it's covered all over in Taylor Swift's autograph. It also features a quote, in script, which reads, "If you're lucky enough to be different, don't ever change." Except it's Diet Coke, so the whole point is kind of to change, to drink Diet Coke and become slim and shiny, like Swift. Way more so than if you drank from Diet Pepsi's "Skinny Can" from Fashion Week a couple of years back. Sure, this isn't the first time Diet Coke has sold a "Sleek Can," but this one is way better and more totally duplicitous. Plus, it goes perfectly with the brand's slim vending machines.


    

Happiness Through the Mail: The Indescribable Allure of Quarterly Co.’s Celebrity Gift Boxes

From co-founding Netflix to his new role as CEO of Quarterly Co., Mitch Lowe has made it his business to bring the magic back to the mailbox. Quarterly Co., for the uninitiated, is a subscription service that sends you curated packages from influential contributors. It's like receiving a personal gift from your celebrity bestie. Lowe sat down with AdFreak to talk about Quarterly's latest celebrity addition—Bill Nye, the science guy—and why you won't be able to subscribe to your favorite brand anytime soon.

AdFreak: Tell me about adding Bill Nye as a contributor.
Mitch Lowe: He's someone that so many people have grown up with. He's the kind of guy who's always imaginative, and we really loved his idea of trying to make the world a better place by science. So we were attracted to his passion and vision. He's just so creative, and in like five minutes of conversation he came up with so many interesting ideas. Some people have sort of gotten to a point in their careers where it's just sort of a job, but he's still so passionate, and he's been doing it for so long.

How do you curate your curators? Do you choose the contributors, or do the contributors choose you?
We choose them. The flavor we're looking for are people with large followings who are passionate to the point that people really want to know more about them. Huge, huge celebrities are probably too well known. People already know too much about them. But there's a level where people are just really knowledgeable about their key area so much that people want to be inspired by them. So the first criteria we look for is people with large Twitter and Facebook followings. And then we look for the category they're in and the length of relationship. Just recently we hired a person who is responsible for seeking out our kind of contributor.

Bill's packages will contain a collection of tools to change the world and raise awareness of environmental issues. Changing the world was the mission of his TV show, and he did. How do you think he'll change the world with his Quarterly packages?
I think what he'll do is change the perspective and understanding of the people who receive the boxes because he'll be giving you that tactile understanding of the science that people are talking about. From global warming to all the big environmental issues, you'll get a tactile meditation into the issues. Instead of reading an article about how global warming is affecting us, you're going to be able to understand that firsthand.

You've changed the world yourself a few times with Netflix and Redbox. Will we be able to subscribe to you soon?
I am passionate about business and about young people starting in business, but I'm just more of an execution guy than an ideas person. I'm very rarely the originator of ideas like Bill Nye.

C'mon, you're telling me you never thought about what your theme would be?
(Laughs) Probably exercise and hiking. I love the whole meditation of hiking.

Of course, contributors don't go it alone. Tell me a little about the assistants that Quarterly assigns to each contributor. What's their role?
What we believe is that the contributor should play the major role with the ideation and the creativity behind each delivery, but they really aren't a buyer or manufacturer. So we assign them a contributor talent manager to take care of all that. We find one who has a passion for that particular genre. The contributor says they have this idea and this is what they want to do next quarter, and the manager goes out and finds the items and gives the contributor options for how they could make the idea work.

Do you run into a lot of limitations for what can be selected for a box, and how do you deal with interstate commerce inconsistencies? For example, if Bill Nye wants to add a favorite wine to the box, Florida subscribers are out of luck.
I wouldn't say we're experts on this, but over time we're learning about the things that are not shippable as well as items that don't tend to go well. Like barbecue sauce doesn't go well in a glass bottle. So our CTM will say, great idea, but in the past we've had three out of 10 of those things break in shipping. And of course we don't ship alcohol, we don't ship flammable things. For Tim Ferriss's first package, he had a supplement that we discovered last minute we couldn't ship to Australia, so we had to come up with a replacement.

What's the worst shipping experience you've had so far?
There's this product. It's a foam—an aerosol can that sprays foam marshmallows. We were told that like five out of 100 exploded inside the shipping containers, spraying marshmallow everywhere. But the funny thing was, most of the people who received the packages that exploded ended up saying it was a great way to try it, because they had to clean up the product with their fingers as they went through the box.

Exploding marshmallows aside, what's the psychological effect of receiving a personalized surprise package, even one you paid for?
I think it takes people back to their childhood. When they receive a gift, it has some type of visceral positive feeling. I'm getting a gift. A present. Someone is actually sending me something. I can't explain it, but I've seen it before when I was with Netflix. We would stand outside and watch people open up their mailboxes and look for the reaction when they got a new video. And we saw this smile just spread across their face. People just love receiving boxes. It's probably because we're moving so fast into a digital world and everything is delivered digitally nowadays. There's not enough physical contact.

That's true. And so many people, particularly brands, are looking for a way to deliver that physical feeling of connection. The moment I saw the site, I thought of a million different ways that brands could use this platform. Do you envision that happening?
We thought about it, and we think there's an opportunity there, whether it's a movie or a product release. But there's a lot of other people who do that, and so we're really focused right now on delivering a personalized experience that feels like a package you received from someone you know. There has to be a connection there.

We're not there yet. We continue to try and personalize things, and sometimes we remove a category because we realize we can't make it personal enough. For example, there was a Dog Lovers Quarterly package. And the problem was, every dog owner has a different size or type of dog. So we couldn't just send one size of thing. One size collar, one size toy, one size treat. Our overall goal is to continue to personalize that package so it's fairly customizable to each person.

I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you if BarkBox had something to do with discontinuing the Dog Lovers package.
(Laughs) It's really just a point of customization. We really believe in making the experience as personalized as possible.

Speaking of the boxes, how do the individual contributors advertise them? I noticed BoingBoing's Mark Frauenfelder gives sneak peaks of his boxes. Do you give them any guidelines for how to advertise?
We all agree that you should keep it a surprise. But we do give all our contributors our best advice for reaching people through social media, so we show the best examples on Facebook and tweeting and Instagram and blogs. Most of our contributors are actually more sophisticated than we are.

Do you know how Bill Nye is planning to announce his Quarterly box to his followers?
I don't think he's going to be wearing a Quarterly T-shirt on Dancing With the Stars, but you never know.

Well, now that you've called him out, he has to!
That, I would love to see.

Want to know what Bill Nye's first, world-changing package is going to contain? You'll have to subscribe and wait just like the rest of us.


    

Funky Chickens Rule the Viral-Video Roost for Mercedes

Once again, subservient chickens make a branding video go viral. Mercedes-Benz and German agency Jung von Matt/Neckar are nearing 1.5 million views in less than a week with this extremely offbeat ad starring some white-gloved Mummenschanz types who help chickens "dance" to Diana Ross's disco classic "Upside Down." Supposedly, this demonstrates the automaker's "Magic Body Control" suspension system. The birds' bodies sway, but their feathered faces stay sublimely still, staring stupidly into the camera, as delighted YouTube viewers, myself included, stupidly stare back. This is why Al Gore invented the Internet. This is advertising! Go suck an egg, Boy Hitler!

UPDATE: Was there a thief in the creative hen house? Ogilvy did a similar spot for Fujifilm back in February. Thanks to @axelk for the heads up.


    

Print Ads Just Can’t Keep Up With the Porsche 911

Here's a nice, fun, simple campaign for Porsche China by the Shanghai office of Fred & Farid. And kudos to the client for agreeing to lose the beauty shots of the vehicle almost entirely. Three more ads plus credits below.

CREDITS
Client: Porsche China
Campaign: "Away"
Agency: Fred & Farid, Shanghai
Executive Creative Directors: Fred & Farid
Creative Director: Gregoire Chalopin
Copywriter: Gregoire Chalopin
Art Director: Pierrick Jegou
Brand Supervisors: Carsten Balmes, Estella Yang
Agency Supervisors: Vivian Wang, Kylie Wang
Retoucher: Hongxia Wang


    

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the History of the Trapper Keeper

Mental Floss put up an interesting article about the history of the Trapper Keeper, which is right up there with Lisa Frank stickers in terms of potent nostalgia catnip for my generation. Basically, the Keeper was the shrewd result of extensive market research—inventor E. Bryant Crutchfield called it "the most scientific and pragmatically planned product" in the school-supplies industry—that combined an array of desktop tools and references (multiplication tables, rulers, etc.) with a binder that wouldn't shed pages when handled. Oh, and terrible cover graphics. What the hell does Rad Dog even mean, anyway?


    

Brewer Secretly Rigs Plumbing in Man’s House to Make Beer Flow From Every Tap

Those jokers at Saatchi & Saatchi and Tui Brewery have a viral hit on their hands, notching more than 5 million views in about a week for various versions of a video that shows some New Zealand dudes pranking a pal by rigging the plumbing in his house so that every tap dispensed beer. An integrated campaign will follow.

Russ, the good-sport prankee, seems understandably surprised, though not especially upset, when intoxicating brown brew starts flowing from his kitchen and bathroom spigots. (The tap water in my apartment looks like that, and I get kinda woozy when I drink it, but I'm pretty sure it's not beer.)

Tui's technicians and a master plumber painstakingly hooked up kegs to the pipes supplying Russ' house. "It went without a hitch," says Saatchi creative director Guy Roberts, "although the plumber did have to make sure it was properly connected so we didn't feed beer back into the city water supply." (Now there's an ad campaign I'd like to see!)

The effort's not upsetting like some prankvertising stunts, but there is a certain inherent creepiness in having friends and strangers invade your space and make "alterations" when you're not home. Hopefully they removed all the surveillance hardware—14 tiny hidden cameras were used to make the video—or footage of Russ's butt could wind up on YouTube any day now.

This is the kind of stunt Anheuser-Busch could never attempt. If you replaced tap water with Michelob or Bud, who'd notice?


    

Hellmann’s Builds the World’s Longest Picnic Table in NYC, Because Why Not?

Nothing gets people riled up quite like a Guinness World Record involving mayonnaise, and so Hellmann's on Tuesday celebrated its 100th birthday by building the world's longest picnic table in New York City. Chefs Mario Batali, Tim Love and Aaron Sanchez were joined by special guests Katie Holmes and Andy Cohen on Pier 84 for a picnic lunch, whipped up by Batali and served on the new world-record-setting 320-foot table.

The event was held just blocks from where German immigrant Richard Hellmann opened his delicatessen on Columbus Avenue in 1905. (He began mass producing Hellmann's mayonnaise the following decade.) As part of its 100th birthday celebration, the brand is providing 1 million meals to the Feeding America effort to fight hunger nationwide.

Check out footage from today's event below.


    

Kindly Disregard the Ad for iOS 7 That Says It Makes Your iPhone Waterproof

Apple's iOS 7 was announced with so much feature-glorifying fanfare that the pranksters at 4chan decided to sneak in an "upgrade" of their own and see if iPhone users would fall for it.

"Update to iOS 7 and become waterproof," claims a fake landing page designed to look like an official Apple announcement. "In an emergency, a smart-switch will shut off the phone's power supply and corresponding components to prevent any damage to your iPhone's delicate circuitry."

While it's doubtful that more than a handful of gullible gadget owners have tried it out (the most widely circulated "example" is from Sept. 13—see below—and most others are clearly just playing along with the gag), the prank has definitely gotten some attention, with the Telegraph, Sky News and the Independent all reporting it as an issue of actual concern (despite a lack of any real evidence beyond the aforementioned Sept. 13 tweet).

Plus, we already know that if you want a waterproof iPhone, you just have to pick up a can of NeverWet. I've heard that if you spray it on your shoes, you can walk on water. Try it today, and tell your friends!

Full iOS 7 parody ad below.


    

Abercrombie & Fitch Covers ‘What Does the Fox Say?’ in Mind-Blowing Parody

Dog goes woof. Cat goes meow. But what do the shirtless Abercrombie & Fitch models say? They're so good looking, who cares?!

Behold A&F's hunks, stripped to the waist and pleasingly pumped, preening in the woods for a parody of "The Fox," the viral novelty track by Ylvis, which, without any hyperbole, has amassed 900 mega-billion views since its early-September debut. Actually, the count is about 52 million, and the A&F parody is approaching 600,000 after just five days. The spoof is even more Fellini-esque than the absurdist original, owing to the black-and-white photography and denim-clad, half-nude studs high-steppin' with gorgeous gals clad in furry animal costumes.

I guess only two things are left to say. First, A&F's elitist brand attitude still sucks. And second, Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!


    

Campbell’s Wisest Kid Mascot Isn’t the Soup Company’s Wisest Idea Ever

Oh, a wise guy, eh?

Just in time for Advertising Week, BBDO and Campbell Soup introduce a new brand mascot, "The Wisest Kid in the Whole World"—basically a little boy with a really long beard who sits atop a pile of rocks, guru-style, and dispenses soup-related advice for parents. Most of what he says—"When the mouth slurps the belly smiles," "More ways to dunk than can be thunk" and "Mealtime is no paradox"—reminds me of the stuff I read on lists of crappy brand tweets.

In one especially awful commercial, Mom wants to be more fun, so she dances in an especially irritating and unfunny way. In another spot, not nearly as awful but still kind of pointless, the Wisest Kid unfurls an impossibly long "Scroll of Infinite Deliciousness" down a suburban neighborhood and into a family's kitchen. The young actor, who resembles Macaulay Culkin at his Home Alone peak, is quite good, but every other element in this campaign is about as sharp as a wet noodle.

"The campaign was inspired by the wise things that kids say, when you really listen to them," says Ed Carolan, president for U.S. retail at Campbell. "Who knows what makes kids happy but other kids? So we might as well ask the Wisest Kid in the Whole World."

Puh-lease, Mr. Soup Man, stop spoon-feeding us nonsense. What we're dealing with here is soulless, derivative, über-corporate advertising that plays like a mishmash of ingredients someone forgot to heat up.

M'm! M'm! Bad! (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!)