
Since many of you are undoubtedly traveling during these holidays, we thought we’d share a story about a man who missed his flight to Baltimore, from Milwaukee, yesterday.
In Milwaukee, one normally needs no more than 30 minutes for pre-flight check-in, so we felt confident that an hour was plenty early to get there. Had we arrived any sooner, we’d have missed the spectacle that we’re about to share. Lines for bag check-in were strangely familiar — like what you’d expect to see when the Apocalypse finally comes and people naively decide to drive out of town or where ever and inevitably become trapped on the highway with gobs of baggage spilling out their car windows. It was like that.
We were but two people away from the teller’s desk (what do you call the airport check-in people, anyway?) which we had been queued in for no less than 35 minutes, when some kind of airport employee budged in front of us to let the teller know he had two passengers bound for Baltimore who needed to skip the lines. Budger!
“That flight is closed. Send him my way,” said said teller. We believed her, since a besweatered AirTran employee had shouted, “Last call for Baltimore!” for the second time a few minutes earlier.
Upon explaining this to the balding, camel-hair coat clad passenger-man that had just also skipped in front of us, and that there was no way to get him on the plane ‘cuz it was tots too late, aforementioned passenger’s blood pressure rose from a mere boiling to what it’s like when the sun gets pissed off by stupid airline tellers.
The back-and-forth of “get me out of this midwestern hell” v. “Dude, I’ll meet a nice elephant and birth it’s half-elephant half Norwegian child before you get on that plane” escalated pretty quickly. IE the balding camel coat guy literally slammed his fist down on the counter and shouted, “Get me on that plane!”, much to the surprise of teller and, well, the community of travelers who were waiting to get checked in. An old guy looked at the dude in front of me with that, “Christ, I’m glad that’s not me cuz I would have punched the bitch” look.
Then someone shouted, “last call for La Guardia” and not wanting to end up like Baldy McDouchenheimer, we took care of business and checked our bags (for $40…fuckers).
Yadda yadda we got through security in no time (yay Millie-wah-kay), and decided not to run to the gate like the tiny middle eastern woman who was also on our flight. By the time we sidled up to the gate, the plane hadn’t even started boarding yet — and we secretly laughed at the now-gasping middle-easterner we just told you about. Sucka!
Anyway, immediately to the right of our gate was another gate (go figure) for the flight to “Baltimore” — which is a city in Maryland. And guess what? They hadn’t even begun boarding. Lolcats! The boarding line had just formed and they were calling “zone 5” or whatever as I showed up. And meanwhile, Baldy McD was back downstairs, frantically buying another ticket to anywhere, gawddamnit, anywhere within 300 miles of B-more. At least, that’s our guess, since he was definitely standing there looking all sad as we scurried off to drop our shit at the baggage claim seven minutes earlier.
We weren’t sure we could hate airlines any more than we already do, but that little encounter pretty much sealed the deal. The sooner we stop expecting anything close to humane treatment from airlines, the better we’ll all be. In the end, we hated Baldy much less for his outrage, being that his plane was nowhere near taking off.
Just one more thing. Gas was $1.49/gallon when we were in Minnesota, so why the hell did we (as in I, singular) pay a total of $80 F.U.C.K.I.N.G. dollars to get our two checked bags to and fro? Next year, we’re shipping everything via USPS even if it costs more, just to spite the airlines. Take that, lame-Os!
Note to AirTran: tisk x 2. Now, if only we had gotten Baldy’s e-mail address…
Image
More: “Spirit Airlines, WTF Are you Thinking?“
Comments (View)
New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media