Shit advertising students say (stick a fork in this, we're done)

Oh noes, there’s yet another shit [blank] says out there, and somehow apropos that it’s the ad students latching on to the meme last. I had to post this anyway, for two reasons. 1: the use of comic sans in the end title, ha ha you sarcastic kids, and 2: the fact that they’re still saying what we used to say when we were ad students.
Well, apart from the “I don’t know coding so I have to be with someone who does” line. We used to say “I can’t spell, so I have to be with someone who can”. Who am I kidding, we never said that.

The agency letter joking was a bit too far kids. That joke is so old KFC used to be called “ye olde Kentucky Fricasseed Chicken” when it was first told.

Ad agency rhyming slang

I didn’t take too long for a Mad Man to find a use for Pinterest that’s worth a Paul Calf-er, some Snoop Dogg and a bit of Ringo Starr. It’s the Agency Rhyming Slang Board where every word is a celebrity pinned by @EamonDownes . Okay, fine, not every word, Femoral Vein isn’t a name, and Baked Potato needs to be pronounced Baked Patatahh to even rhyme with Facebook Data, but just roll with it will you, it’s funny. Gotta dash now, got a Ronan Keating.

MAGIC LAMP. FOR AGENCY SUITS ONLY.

A guy is clearing out the attic of an old house and comes across a box
with a label that says: MAGIC LAMP. FOR AGENCY SUITS ONLY.

“What’s an agency suit?”, the guy thinks to himself. “What the heck, I’ve never tried a magic lamp before. I’ll just go ahead anyway.”

So he opens the box, takes out the lamp and rubs it Aladdin-style and
Shazaam! he’s face to face with a genie.

“At your service, master. But wait a minute. You don’t look like an account guy. Didn’t you read the label?”

The guy is a little surprised, but decides to take a chance. “Oh, but I am. I’m a suit.”

The genie is suspicious, but since he can’t really prove the opposite: “Hm. Alright then. Here’s the deal. You get to make three wishes, I grant them, and you put the lamp back in the box. OK?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“OK then, but remember you only have three wishes. So you’d better be sure before you make a wish. Now bring ’em on!”

“I want a million dollars. A Cadillac convertible filled with bikini blondes. And a really big house.”

There’s a few moments of silence. Then the genie looks at the guy, and asks:

“Are you done?”

“Yeah. You said three wishes, right?”

The genie smiles. “OK dude, now I know you’re not an account guy.”

“How?”

“Well, despite the fact that I said three wishes, a real suit wouldn’t stop until eight or nine”

the cinematographer at the pearly gates

After a long, hard and yet successful career, a cinematographer dies and goes up to the pearly gates. It’s a busy day in heaven, long line at the gate, and Saint Peter seems to be taking his sweet ass holy time
processing everyone.

Anyway, so the cinematographer is waiting and waiting as the line slowly inches forward, but he’s not all that tweaked out, since, hey! he’s going to heaven.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a black mercedes S600 V12 comes screeching to a fishtailing halt right outside the gates, the door opens and a pompous ass in all black clothing (and sunglasses to match) pops out.
He slams the door, strides confidently to the front of the line, tosses the car keys to Saint Peter (who barely catches them) and turns around to look at the line. He pulls down his sunglasses and stands there.
“Great… Really great… Keep it up!” he says patting Saint Peter on the back before turning on his heel and whizzing right through the gates before anyone can say (or even think) a word.

This is finally too much for our cinematographer friend, who, despite the risk of eternal damnation, loses his cool and runs screaming at Saint Peter.

“Great!” says the cinematographer, “I bust my ass my whole life… working on sets, making the film look great, taking all the crap from the idiot clients and the spineless director and finally I’m dead, and I had a good life… was a good man, and I get here to the pearly gates and I’m waiting and waiting with everybody else.. following the rules… And why? For what?”

“It’s just the same up here. The asshole director shows up at the last minute, doesn’t stand in line and goes flying through the pearly gates without so much as a word from you, and no body even stops him or tells him to stand in line with the rest of us… This is a load of shit!”

Saint Peter, shrugs with an embarrassed smile and explains… “Oh no… I’m sorry… you don’t understand… that’s not a director… that’s God. He just thinks he’s a director.”

Buzzy Duck – The Interview

Frank Lingua, president and CEO of Dissembling Associates, is the nation’s leading purveyor of buzzwords, catch phrases and clichés for people too busy to speak in plain English.

“Business Finance” contributing editor Dan Danbom interviewed Lingua in his New York City office.

Read more for the interview.

Danbom: Is being a cliché expert a full-time job?
Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7.

D. Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of clichés that spew from business?
L. Some days, I don’t have the bandwidth. It’s like drinking from a fire hydrant.

D. So it’s difficult?
L. Harder than nailing Jell-O to the wall.

D. Where do most clichés come from?
L. Stakeholders push the envelope until it’s outside the box.

D. How do you track them once they’ve been coined?
L. It’s like herding cats.

D. Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become a cliché?
L. Yes. I skate to where the puck’s going to be. Because if you aren’t the lead dog, you’re not providing a customer-centric proactive solution.

D. Give us a new buzzword that we’ll be hearing ad nauseam.
L. “Enronitis” could be a next-generation player.

D. Do people understand your role as a cliché expert?
L. No, they can’t get their arms around that. But they aren’t incented to.

D. How do people know you’re a cliché expert?
L. I walk the walk and talk the talk.

D. Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?
L. I wasn’t wired that way, but it became mission-critical as I strategically focused on my go-forward plan.

D. What did you do to develop this talent?
L. It’s not rocket science. It’s not brain surgery. When you drill down to the granular level, it’s just basic blocking and tackling.

D. How do you know if you’re successful in your work?
L. At the end of the day, it’s all about robust, world-class language solutions.

D. How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?
L. Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing synergies and being first to market with a leveraged, value-added deliverable. That’s the opportunity space on a level playing field.

D. Does everyone in business eventually devolve into the sort of mindless drivel you spout?
L. If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you’re a duck. They all drink the Kool-Aid.

Where's my fucking idea? I got your idea right here.

Here’s a silly, and maybe useful, self-promo. Inspired by the What the fuck should I make for dinner, where the fuck should I go eat? and I don’t fucking eat meat. – What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner? sites before them, this site aims to help you with a dash of expletives. (By the way, with all that fucking food you should have some fucking beer)

Creatives Lauren Rogers and Rich Tseng made WheresMyFuckingIdea.com, which can shake you out of creative rut. Presumably. It’ll give you answers like Break a fucking taboo, and show how this product could do some fucking good. I cycled through these and find some more could be useful, like;
Recycle a fucking previous award winner
Parody a fucking popular meme
Fuck the brief, use the same fucking concept you’ve tried to push on 5 other clients
Hire a fucking celebrity comedian and use the outtakes

The creatives are working allowing submissions, so perhaps we’ll see suggestions like that in the fucking future. While they have 30 ideas now, they want to add more and seem to think you’ll find it useful to shake things up.

“Being struck by an even better idea after the deadline’s passed is the worst. And this hopefully prevents that in a fun yet quick way.” says Rich Tseng (Copywriter of the team)

“We wanted to make something people could actually use. Give creatives ways in to help push their ideas further, even spark methods nobody’s thought of yet.” adds Lauren Rogers (Art Director of the team)

Rich and Lauren have just left TBWAChiatDay LA, where they used Twitter to hijack the Super Bowl for Persil ProClean, and are looking for new opportunities together. Here at Adland we’ve had an Ad Chat with Richard a few years ago.

Mother London poaches potential Droga5 clients with URL hijack

Ah, this is cute. I’m sure you are familiar with what the Droga5 logo looks like, where the 5 replaces the G. It’s so fancy.

Well, for someone a little less experienced in advertising, they might assume that’s how it’s actually spelled, and type in http://dro5a.com when attempting to visit or email the agency. Sending off emails to david.droga@dro5a.com and max.dog@dro5a.com in the hopes of establishing a work relationship, perhaps.

But then you will have been hijacked by Mother London, because they own that URL and are getting all your traffic and seeing all your emails. Smartarses.

Sagmeister & Walsh robbery hoax was created by Achos Barcelona

You’re a cynical lot, you know that? I posted Sagmeister & Walsh NYC studio was robbed & robbers caught on camera and all I got was “hmmm…” from Tom Megginson in the comments and “oRLy” style replies on twitter. Like, none of you wanted to entertain the story even for a minute. It was suspected at once to be a stunt, which I kept deflecting by saying nobody was naked, which as we all know is Sagmeister & Walsh’s trademark stunt-move by now.

But that just means it wasn’t Sagmeister & Walsh’s stunt. Aye?

Either way, with Sagmeister & Walsh themselves tweeting this, it was easy for some people to overlook the .info ending of the domain and read the story about their “work” getting stolen by brazen thieves. Even if the first reply to Sagmeister’s tweet is “Riiiiight”.
We are deeply saddened by this loss. Next time take the printer. http://t.co/g3J5gY7odt— Sagmeister & Walsh (@sagmeisterwalsh) April 16, 2015

Adweek posted don’t call NYPD just yet (oh c’mon, play it straight, man) but basically the cynical adgrunt consensus out there was that they weren’t falling for it.

Now, Jessica Walsh from Sagmeister & Walsh has tweeted the real Creative Review story link of the stunt, which was actually created by Barcelona-based creative studio achos.
The story behind the guys who stole our work 🙂 @achosbarcelona http://t.co/RF6drvr2QZ— jessicawalsh (@jessicawalsh) April 21, 2015

Achos tells Creative Review that this stunt grew out of the concept of Creative Thieves: “a concept that sums up our ways of thinking and doing. We are the generation of the future. There’s no shortage of new and eager creative people coming out with new ideas, new things to talk about. Sooner or later, this younger generation will end up ‘stealing’ the work, so to speak, of the industry giants of today.”

So how successful was their little hoax? Industry reactions range from eye-rolling to calling them “irritating” or “Brilliant” – but a quick glance around the headlines shows a slight disadvantage to this type of tactic….. The name Sagmeister & Walsh is repeated more often than Achos. While it’s nice to see Achos next to Sagmeister & Walsh, hopefully getting a little borrowed interest glory here, Achos now really has their work cut out for them in order to separate themselves from Sagmeister & Walsh and this stunt in the mind of their clients and peers.

One thing that is really impressive about this, is the attention to detail. Achos looked for a space with similar proportion as Sagmeister & Walsh’s studio and recreated it so that they could make the robbery images. Attention to tiny details, like which terrible printer is in the studio, is a must in this business. Little things, like which topic this is posted under, matter.

More news on the stunt: Booooooom “How to get noticed: Steal from Sagmeister & Walsh” and Agencyspy: Sagmeister & Walsh robbery was a stunt.

9 out of 10 cats love posing for this cat font generator

“9 out of 10 cats love Adland” is what it says. Now that I have shown you Nekofont cat font text generator I’m sure this Monday’s production levels are shot to hell while everyone starts printing out cat-signs for everything in the office. That’s fine, carry on. Don’t forget the espresso machine & pool table.

The attention to detail is the best, look at the kitteh posing as lower case “l”, look at that kitteh-smile. These are happy cats. It’s a happy cat font. Oh shit I’ve turned into a crazy cat lady haven’t I? Just in time for the entire internet to join me! Admit it, you love them too!

You know that you will go to hell for working in advertising, right?

Cracked.com just listed: The 5 Creepiest Advertising Techniques of the (Near) Future – bless the little sods for looking over their stats and realizing that the “5-lists” bring them traffic so that they could bring us this.

They freak us with the funny, as when they say:

Google is already working on customizing its search results based on your personal browsing history, which requires only that it maintains a comprehensive database of every single thing you’ve ever tried to find on the web.
No big deal, right? After all, it’s not like it would be embarrassing for you if all this information ever got out. You know, like when AOL made that information public on millions of its customers.

This reminds little ol’ me of when I witnessed one of the fellas from Chaos Computer Club hold a lecture at HIP97. He explained that credit cards will “eventually hold all information about me” — “and you”- so therefore; “I go out of my way to fuck up the system. I rent those (porn) films in a hotel rooms even when I’m not in the hotel room.” (laughter from audience) “No, because I don’t rent those films!” (loud cackling from audience)

read more

Current – Man vs Banner ad!

In an awesome parody (good voice copy!) of Man Vs Wild, here’s Man Vs BANNER ADS! Yes, those banner ads can be deadly, at least to your OS.

read more

Font humor for font nerds.

If you laugh at this, you are a font nerd.

Also, don’t miss part two. Hat tip to the Bold kids.

The ad agency mmorpg: World of advertising

I’ve been very amused by Creative beef: Game Time idea for a ad agency based mmorpg, where Art Directors weild the xacto-knife of doom, Copywriters have smart-ass blogs, Account Execs have the super power suit, Producers weild unbreakable SAG contracts, Media Buyers wave Knicks’ tickets about, and Traffic can pull out The lost creative brief from their arsenal.

Now, if we place this game in crazy open landscape agencies and famous buildings such as the Chiat/Day Venice of the ninities, Kesselskramer’s church or the mushroom woods of Young & Rubicam in Portugal – I’m all set!

Can someone please get on making this game? Pretty please? It’s my birthday today and that’s all momma wants.

P.S. For droolworthy ad agency interiors, check out This Ain’t No Disco.

read more

Top ten reasons we hate using stock – #137

He’s got an MSI Wind, no wait, he’s got an Asus Eee PC…. No, wait of course, it’s none of the above but rather an iBook if you check the original Getty Image. What we know the ad creators did get was ‘royalty free image’. Oh you silly silly people, don’t let the suits do that to you.

read more

UK Office of Government Commerce new logo is for wankers

Here’s another one for you lot who love to giggle at phallic logos.

This is the new logo for the UK Office of Government Commerce.

This is the logo turned 90 degrees

The Register says that a spokesman gamely explained:

“The proposed version, which you have sent over, has been shared with staff, and is now going through final technical stages. It is true that it caused a few titters among some staff when viewed on its side, but on consideration we concluded that the effect was generic to the particular combination of the letters ‘OGC’ – and is not inappropriate to an organisation that’s looking to have a firm grip on government spend!”

read more

Adland 5 good reasons to LOVE or LOATHE digital Marketing

David Jones brings us another Adland cartoon. Dibs on the designery glasses!

ROCK

ROCK

read more

Phallic logo and unfortunate name combo

Ah yes, those who have been paying attention know that I’m a tad preoccupied with phallic looking logos. Or things that sound dirty in another language in advertising. yes yes, I know, I’m such a child, and I won’t grow up.

So Caff decided in her infinite wisdom when she saw this logo to snap it and send the shot to me. I’m sorry, but I can’t stop laughing, is that a phallus symbol firmly planeted with balls or a nicely streamlined design of a hand flipping the bird? I wonder if the receptionist ever answers the phone with “Good morning, The Fucker company Ltd”.

read more

Adland will kill us all!

This just in: Adland will kill us all!

And how apropos the news is reported from CHICAGO where at least ad agencies seem to be dying lately:

He said the first victim was a young man who had a web design job at a communications department, and worked for a well respected university. “He was perfectly fine when he went to work,” Rathburg said in a telephone interview.
“After about 15 minutes, he had an acute case of gnarles barking cough and collapsed on the floor. The autopsy clearly indicates he died from exposure to adland,” said Rathburg, who would not disclose the man’s name or the precise place and time of his death for privacy reasons.

Contact with, or even being in the proximity of adland is known to trigger acute farty residue, screaming whoopers, and a deadly soup of bacteria called gumbo that shoots out of your nostrils

read more

Never gonna Give You Up, never gonna let you down!

How’s this for a pop-cultural meta-meta-meta-meta April Fools joke: Youtube has Rickrolled all the featured videos on their homepage.

No wai? Yes, wai! Srsly. Hat tip to adgrunt Brandon.

And somewhere in Denmark, Rick is laughing really loud.