Hasta La Creative!

Free Credit Report.com has been pounding the airwaves, especially in non-Prime areas, with their 30-second TV spots depicting “Credit Guy” and his numerous run-ins with bad credit. He, and two of his friends (all musicians), tell stories of how bad credit has left them in a pinch with no way out.

There have been five spots (that I know of) entering our homes with the Free Credit Report.com guys singing and dancing their credit woes, warning us not to fall into that bad credit trap. These credit guys are our friends, warning us that if we don’t keep an eye on our credit, someone may come in and snatch our identity, leaving no option for work other than wearing pirate duds at the local seafood buffet.

Thus far, the spots of which I am aware are: Pirate Guys/Seafood; New Car/Subcompact; Bike Song; Rock Star; Girlfriend/Basement. If I missed one, let me know. The music is kinda kitchy, and I’ve caught myself singing out loud as I merrily dance through my daily activities, proving that advertising does burrow its way into our consciousness, whether we want it to or not. My favorite spot is the New Car/subcompact, mainly because of the lyrics. Feel free to join in at any time:

“F-R-E-E that spells free
credit report dot com baby
saw their ads on my TV
thought about going but was too lazy
Now instead of looking fly and rolling fat
My legs stick to the vinyl
and my posse’s getting laughed at!
F-R-E-E that spells free
credit report dot com baby…”

Those friendly guys! Not only are they kinda fun to have as friends, but they are also funny. Plus, they care for me. They care that my credit isn’t “whack.”
NOT TRUE: These goofy bastards are the Bernie Madhoff’s of the credit rip-off world. Don’t fall for their small-town, farm boy charm: they want your money so they can get fly chicks.

And just what is their intent? Our wallets, baby. The “free credit report” isn’t close to free, friendly singing dudes or not. The cost is $15 every month, or $180 per year. False advertising? Maybe, except that there are those little words on the screen that say it isn’t free. Free Credit Report.com isn’t going to tell you that when you sign up, but it will magically show up your credit card statement.

The spots use fear– bad credit will put us in the basement with a lying wife, no car, working at a seafood restaurant in pirate duds– to lure customers into signing up to monitor their credit.  I don’t sing or dance and don’t have the look of a cute Midwesterner, but I’ll give you better advice than the Free Credit Report boys: Do Not Sign Up. There is a truly free credit report that you can get, and it costs nothing. Go to Annual Credit Report, fill out the forms, and the reports from all three major reporting companies (Equifax, Experian, & TransUnion) will be either sent to your email or available as a download.

Exercise caution and read the fine print when signing anything that has to do with your credit. Although positioned as “your credit report,” it’s actually the creditor’s file report about you…