Hasta La Creative!

If you prematurely ejaculate, blame that burger you had for lunch. At least, that’s what PETA would have you believe with their new (yes, batshit crazy) “Another Cuban Missile Crisis” spot, developed along with creative agency Matter.

The spot opens with a guy and his attractive girlfriend in the throes of passion. As things get heated on the couch, he pictures Fidel Castro‘s head on her body, (“Focus on my mustache,” he says) in a desperate attempt to keep from blasting off too soon. His efforts are to no avail, however, as he’s soon lost it. PETA’s tagline “If you go vegan, you can last longer. Try thinking about that.” comes on screen, to accompany the disappointed girlfriend.

Wait, what? Is PETA really trying to use fears of premature ejaculation to get men to go vegan? What could the rationale be for that?

“Any man who lacks stamina between the sheets should look at what’s on his plate—and resolve to do better in 2014 by choosing healthy vegan meals,” explains PETA SVP/certifiably insane person Lisa Lange. “Unlike cholesterol-laden meat, eggs, and dairy products, vegan food such as beans, rice, tortillas, fruits, and vegetables keep the blood flowing to all vital parts of the body.” Okay, so that may actually be true, but where’s the connection to premature ejaculation? Well, apparently the fear of impotence can lead to premature ejaculation in some men, so there may actually be a tiny shred of truth to this crazy load of shit PETA is trying to feed you. Still, there’s a large jump from meals high in cholesterol contributing to impotence, to fears of impotence leading to premature ejaculation, to “eat vegan so you last longer in bed.” None of these strings, obviously, are tied together during the ad — so when you watch it you just think “What the fuck just happened?”rather than considering cholesterol’s contribution to impotence and the link between impotence fears and premature ejaculation.

While we should know by now not to be surprised by any of the batshit crazy things PETA does, somehow we never saw premature ejaculation being used as a fear tactic to sell veganism. Because, what the fuck? But then PETA also likes to kill perfectly adoptable pets. So the lesson here, once again, is to never be surprised by anything PETA does. Because they could do pretty much anything. Credits after the jump. continued…

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